I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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