those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
