u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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