My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
