hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
