Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
