Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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