So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
