I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
