I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
