Your mouth is God's brothel.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
