I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
