i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
