I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
