do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
