she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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