someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
