highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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