I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
