I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
