Just cropdusted the office
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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