she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
