he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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