He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
