there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
