Nicole vs. Life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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