so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Randomize
