Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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