pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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