I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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