I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize