We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
