I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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