toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well you can't waste a boner
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
