Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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