i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
