So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
