The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
