You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
