im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he puts the penis in happiness.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
false alarm, still single
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
