Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
