Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
