Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
