its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
