I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
