He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
