How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
