just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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