last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
