My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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