hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
