so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
