I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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