You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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