My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
