Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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