i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
