I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
