bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
