Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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