so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
