i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
