i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
