Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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