hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize