thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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